Better safe than sorry

To me this is still an acceptable popular lexiconic (I may or may not be making that word up) phrase of the english language, for I too would rather be safe than sorry. But, there are alot of phrases that are old and make no sense to me today whatsoever, but are still in use by politicians and old people. Therefore this is my list of popular sayings we need to retire:

* "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" - I kind of like this phrase but it's being used all wrong and for that it must go. I usually hear it from that blabbering idiot John Madden during a football game or as a cheasy one liner in some terrible 90s action movie. No, no, no. Stop it now.

* "If you can't beat em, join em" - This is a pathetic mindset and very corporate don't you think? Where's that competetive spirit? We all know if you can't beat em, kick em in the nuts and run and live to fight another day.

* "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" - Who the fuck would I ever say this dumbass phrase too? What decade were people draining their babies out of the ole tub? I hear this from politicians once in a while and I think it's plain dumb not to mention a little disturbing.

* "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" - Ok, this one is not old, but it is already annoying. I do hate the game, and I will hate you (the playa) as well thank you very much.

* "I'd rather be...(fill in the blank)" - Why do these people think I care about their lives so much. I'd rather be golfing, I'd rather be skiing...blah, blah, blah. What's worse is that this phrase also makes for popular bumper stickers. I HATE BUMPER STICKERS. I don't care where people would rather be, they're where they are and if I'm talking to them than I'm there too, and for damn sure would rather be somewhere else, but I don't tell them that. You know what, I'd rather be riding a long snake dolly, sipping on Jack Daniels, surrounded by real breasted strippers who are holding small televisions playing History Channel documentaries, but I keep that to myself buddy, and I suggest you do the same, ya jerkface.

* "Your ass is grass" - This is a popular tough guy term made famous in the 80s. I am baffled by it though. Does is mean you want to smoke my ass? Mow it? What? Oh I get it, you want to knock my ass onto the ground...where the grass is...how clever. Well I'll come back with a knuckle sandwhich or a wedgie or a swirlie or a wet willy.


(On a totally unrelated sidenote: Hilary Duff was on the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night, but it took me about 5 minutes to verify it was her. This delay was caused by her disgustingly thin body and something that can only be desribed as 'mean' had happened to her hair. WTF is up with these celebrity women? Who in Hollywood rounded up all the food and replaced it with laughingly awful hair dye?)