My Own Lil' Mardi Gras Party

In honor of the last day of February, which ends the worst month of the year. Besides the Super Bowl, I hate this month more than I hate...oh let's say Ann Coulter or being kicked in the balls. The good news, it is going to be 70 degrees, the bad news, it will still be the god awful month of February. So much to talk about since my last post. The olympics were alright I guess, all the snowboarding events kick ass, the rest, not so much. What the fuck was all the hoopla about this Bode Miller, if you drink like I do, I could have forewarned everyone he wouldn't be moving that fast down a mountain. Put some JD fuel in me though, and I could take that sombitch Super G race. Orgrazmo=still funny movie. Coldplay=let me check, yep still sucks. Husker baseball has started, yay. Bill O'Reilly started this dumbass petition to get Keith Olbermann's "Countdown" replaced on MSNBC. Now I watch Keith religiously and you should too. It's the wittiest hour of news, and for a country and a generation that don't follow the news that much, it's perfect, because he actually makes it fun and you can still get caught up on things. And no, it can't replace the Daily Show, because it's actual news, but still quite entertaining. Keith is pretty liberal, but not at all in the overtop way that others do that even make this liberal roll his eyes. Give it a whirl, 7pm on MSNBC, you'll like it, trust me. And even though I mentioned DS earlier, here's my late segway into the Oscars this Sunday. I'm really looking forward to them this year, there's a variety of good films and Stewart is going to be, well great as usual. The buildup seems to be non-existent, I think there's too much "actual" news right now that the media doesn't have time to cover the "culture wars", blah, you know Utahans anger at the Hollywood machine for producing gay cowboy flicks that turn their sons and daughters into homos. I'm sure though, later in the week and early next week, there will be all this "outrage" that Brokeback Mountain won this and that, and Narnia got snubbed, and Hilary Swank's penis...I mean boob popped out on the red carpet and that Jon Stewart made a funnie about Dubya being not learned like me. You know how it goes down every year. So lame.

Alright, let's get this Mardi Gras started, I have beads, who's going to show me their titties first?

Dick shoots load in man's face

Ah, good ole Dick Cheney blasting a fellow hunter in the face with his shotgun while hunting "ducktards" as Rob Cordry calls them. Does it get any better than that? I say it can not. This whole thing is so surreal, as we sat and chatted about it at favorite Tuesday night getaway Bdubs, the whole conversation was funny and strange. It's where I got the title as well. I guess I feel bad for the dumbass that ran out in the grass and took one in the face by the vice president, but then again I really don't. I think karma finally caught up to the veep for all the horrible things he's done to this country. How could this have happened, you might ask? Well accidents while carrying a gun happen, it's true, but only if you fuck something up and are being an idiot, or drunk.

Let me break it down for you.

Now I don't hunt, I don't feel the need to shoot defenseless animals for fun or to make me feel more like a man. But, I do trap shoot (clays, blue rock, whatever you know it by) on the family farm two or three times a year, I'm a good shot, not bragging, just stating the facts. I've been shooting shotguns since 6th grade maybe, and when your around guns alot, the danger of a loaded firearm disappears, but your instinct to be safe does not. Don't have the chamber loaded until it's your turn, never cross the shooting line, keep the barrell pointed down and safety is always on until right before you say "pull". Simple enough rules to follow and prevents me from shooting my grandpa in the fucking face. Now hunting is different granted, but the same rules should apply. Here are my questios about the accident, each one is relevant and probably lead to Vice President of the United States shooting a man in the effing face. Here's is Magnum's list of questions of I were the cops in Texas on Saturday night after the shooting:

Question 1: How many bottles of Scotch you fellas been through today?
Question 2: NBC reports the shooting took place a little after 6:30pm, you do know sunset was at 6:17pm you idiots, visibility could have had something to do with you mistaking your friend for a bird right?
Question 3: What kind of pompus ass hunters drive around the fields in their cadillacs only getting out to blam away at some slow birds whose wings are clipped? Assholes.
Question 4: You must not have waited for the birds to fly very high if you hit your friend in the face, 6 feet from the ground? Oh that's right, the clipped wings so they can't fly away. Again, assholes.