This holiday season I will be praying for the persecuted christians in this country

And I think you should too. You would think Christians wouldn't be persecuted in a country that was 90% Christian and had a bible thumping, "born again" President, but somehow they are. Somehow those evil liberals out there who don't hold any office of power or own any major retail company in America are perpetrating this all out offensive on Jesus-lovers everywhere. Come on folks, I mean didn't it just ruin your day when the nice bag boy who hauled your Xbox 360, Ipod, Tiger Woods Nike golf set and other Jesus-worshipping gifts to your car wished you well with "Happy Holidays"! It did for me, and I told the little son of a bitch it was "Merry Christmas" to which he responded shyly, "oh sorry, I'm Jewish". "Well you're probably going to hell so I'd fix that if I were you." He whimpered and ran off crying, ha, I felt better and I could feel the Lord smiling down on me for my bravery.

We must stop this "War on Christmas", before they succeed in making the Christmas season a time of joy and tolerance, and the coming together of all Americans in the name of peace, love and understanding. If we let Elvis Costello get his way we all lose, folks. We need to keep the Christmas season focused on the amounts of money we spend on non-religious gifts for our loved ones and yes even ourselves because Jesus would want me to have that new George Foreman grill, I mean have you seen that thing? It gets rid of 90% of the fat, the same percentage of Christians in this country, coincidence? I think not. If the war continues it will certainly hurt the most precious time for our economy and we all know how passionate Jesus was about the GDP, stock market and fourth quarter growth.

I guess I don't understand why we have a 1st Amendment, it just gets in the way of Christians from imposing their beliefs on the non-believers. If we all were Jesus worshipping, church going, believers, this country would be so much better off. No crime, it's a commandment, hello. No gays, no abortion, no evolution, no science, no debate, no taxes, no unions, no affirmative action, no entitlement programs, no liberals, no opposition to our wars. In one word, PARADISE. Now you might ask yourself what some of the things I mentioned have to do with God, well you just have to trust me on that, it's what he would want.

I mean if we can't force non-Christian kids to worship nativity scenes and sing Jesus songs in public schools, what is this country coming too?! First it was school prayer, now this, why can't those non-Christian 3rd graders just huddle in the corner and shut the fuck up while the rest of their class partakes in the joy of our saviour's birthday, and the joy of knowing they'll be going to heaven also, I might add.

I know I will be celebrating Christ's birthday this Sunday ignoring my family, drinking lots of "egg nog" watching Kobe "backdoor" Bryant play basketball against Shaq, cursing at the refs, and watching my loved ones open their video games, expensive jewelry and ugly sweaters. Who would want to take away this religious celebration, who?!

Merry Christmas!!!