Tuesday nights and I get along

Since I've moved to Omaha, Tuesday nights is the night on the town. It all started because Bdubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) has 35 cent wings, a digital juke box and late night happy hour drink specials. In a word...paradise. It's becoming tradition, though the last two weeks we've tried new places because our regular waiter quit and we now hang out with him and thought it'd be weird for him to have to go back. Check out the interesting story on the night he quit. But, he told us last night that we don't have to avoid our old hangout. So we'll see. But last night we went to Old Chicago where they also have drink specials and outdoor seating. It has been effing hot here in the Midwest the past couple weeks, I'm talking hell's heatwave, it was 107 on monday. But yesterday because God read my post about becoming a "better" person decided to reward me with and incredible cold front, it's like early fall. And it was beautiful sitting outside, drinking, except I was the only one who remembered it had cooled down and dressed accordingly, everyone else just shivered and bitched until we finally went inside. I hate them and they ruined my night. Thanks guys.

While we were still outside we got on one of those conversation rolls that could go down in the history books. I mean we were kicking out priceless material left and right, so good I actually had to write it down for possible future scripts. This went on for a good 20 minutes, until Wolfpack ruined it with a sappy NPR story, so we stabbed him in the neck and moved on. Then laughed some about how I may or may not be rather mean in my comebacks to people, here's how one went last night:

Scotty: I was expecting it to fall apart like every other movie we do?
Me: What have we done that has fallen apart?
Scotty: Oh I guess I meant with me, not your projects.
Me: Oh so you mean falling apart like your life?

Good natured ribbing met with sheer sting. Like a fucking rattlesnake Scotty says. I guess it's true, I should work on that, but then would I really be the jerkface anymore? Here I'll try harder:

Scotty: Hey let's sit outside where it's cold. (In sarcasm voice)
Me: Scott, I hate you and I did your mom. (Feel my sting)

Damn it, can't do it. I'm an asshole. But I do enjoy Tuesday nights.

Dear diary, I promise...

Dear diary,

I promise starting today I will be a better person. Just in general, it's a Monday and hey why not. Being better is a decent goal, eh? What do I mean better? Specifically I will follow the model my fellow 25 year olds on the right wing side of the aisle use, let me explain:

-Will I enlist in the army to help shore up troop levels for the war I supported that was based on lies. No. But I will call liberals cowards and encourage poor kids to join. This is how I can best serve my country.

-Will I stop drinking, gambling, having sex and doing drugs. Of course not, but I will say I don't do any of those things, sit through church service, vote for moralist candidates and pretend I'm above devilish vices like those I actually do partake in.

-Will I give more money to charities and volunteer time to those less fortunate than myself. Ha! Fuck no. Poor people are lazy, it has nothing to do with the disadvantaged homes they grew up in compared to the top notch benefit laden surburban paradise where I was raised. Nothing. I will however contribute large sums of the green stuff to politicians who promise to lower my taxes, cut public service funding, disban entitlement programs and get rid of the public school system.

-Will I spend more time reading the news and researching topics before getting in arguments where I can make up my own mind. No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night and listened to six hours of Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity who tell me everything I need to know. The media is liberally biased, I need straight shooters like Coulter and Hannity to tell me the truth.

-I will start going to the gym.

-I will no longer visit porn sites like parentstv.org, which has the best soft core content around. This conservative family group documents every sexy scene on television and formats it into handy quicktime viewable clips that I can watch over and over and over again. You will be missed because who has time to watch all of the Real World episodes when I could catch just the good stuff here.

You know what, I feel better all ready. I feel that God has lifted a tremendous wait off my shoulders, he is smiling at how I am going to change my life. We all know God hates liberals and how they lead their lives, that's why he madeBush President in these trying times. No longer will I be going to hell, whew, that was close. Come join me on my journey and save yourself.

A monday post on a thursday night...what?

Ridiculous. See this is why I should have never been allowed a personal blog, if I'm bored it's great, if I'm busy, I have no desire to post something when I could be playing College Football '06. I'm playing the Huskers season, and it's not looking good folks, 5-4 heading into the Colorado game. And this game is eerie when it comes to prediciting seasons. Blogger should have a test for people like me who do not have the commitment like myself. I've been in post-production on the fundraising video for the Madonna School for Special Needs Students, my biggest paying project for the year, and as of 3pm today, it is now over and monetary compensation will soon follow that will pay all of the next few months bills. And I type this getting ready to head to another meeting for another decent sized project in the coming months. So there's that. Other than that, last weekend's filming went great, good footage, Dubya nominated Justice O'Connor's replacement, but I know nothing to even form an opinion. He seems alright at first glance, do I think he will overturn Roe v. Wade, no, do I think he's a little too pro-business, yes. But, I'm sure I'll have more to say once I research. My mom called me yesterday and had actually watched my show for the first time, and she seemed like she sincerely was impressed and liked it. Not the usual, "oh that's good dan" stuff, so I was actually quite pleased. Alright, that's it.

Friday trash day

As they call it at the White House, and as I will call it on this blog. Trash day is actually Wednesday, but...oh nevermind.

*We start back up production on EvansAmerica tonight. It's a web series show I produce at www.evansamerica.com. Downloads of the episodes are free so check it out. We haven't been on set since May 1st, so I'm excited to get back to it, hopefully we're not to rusty.

*Watched "American Werewolf in London" last night with Scotty C and Wendibular. I've seen bits and pieces but watching the whole thing I was surprisingly pleased, it really rocked.

*Had dinner with the grandparents last night, which was the first time in a long time. I usually don't see them outside of holidays and birthdays. It's the same thing with my parents, I don't see them that much and yet they always have to slip in that I never call or stop by. But they never call me or stop by either. It's this weird limbo where they expect you to call them, but we're the ones that are busy all the time. It was a very good time though, my grandparents were a bundle of energy and my grandpa had a great time flirting with our cute waitress like he always does. We went to the new Texas Roadhouse restaurant by my house, which I had never been yet, and it was packed, (hour wait) but the food and service were top notch. Highly recommend it. As we were leaving my grandpa had to show off his brand new 2005 Chevy 4x4, which is quite an impressive vehicle. My family is constantly getting new vehicles, (even the grandchildren that can drive except for me, they all have sweet ass rides, me Chrysler Concorde and my business van) like every three years they trade in and trade up. I've come to the conclusion that they have way too many toys but I guess this is what happens when a modest middle income family of the 60s, 70s and 80s suddenly fall ass backwards into large sums of money thanks to the Omaha housing boom (mentioned in my last post) buying up several of our family farms in the Millard area.

*That's it until Monday. Now go away.

A whole lot of randomness

I do not have an overall theme to today's post, just a composite of various thoughts threaded together with no real significance to each other. And I'm not sure why I'm sounding apologetic, it's my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want. Though I am a personal blog rookie, I am finding this whole process very therapeutic (god knows I need it) and much easier to update than my other two blogs where I have to sit down and form a whole organized rant or movie review with research and such. Okay so on with it.

*Softball night last night in Gretna, which is quickly becoming a full blown suburb of Omaha with the housing boom. I guess I had failed to realize that we had only been playing 6:30 games at the park and later games at the high school where it's quiet. This time we played at 9:30pm at the Park for the first time and it was an experience to say the least, I had forgotten the chaos from last year. Over 150 people around the field, drinking heavily, sitting in the back of trucks, one sound system trying to drown out the other, various college tossing games in progress and so much smoke it was foggy while we were playing. Plus a lot of obscenities thrown our way when we made a bad play, which seemed odd to me at a rec softball game. You think I'm making this up, I'm not. There were people around the fence of the whole field, I felt like we were playing a death game in Escape from New York and Kurt Russell had just hit a home run so we could live to fight another day. Two things that struck me during our heartbreaking 10-6 loss to a local construction company: A) Even though I was finding it hard to find laws and city ordinances that were NOT being broken, not once did I see a police car. B) I did see though at least 3-4 kids under the age of 12 running around. What the fuck? Why are these kids not at home, good god parents. These will be the youngsters with not much future ahead of them I guarantee that. But it's not the kids faults, which is why I will make sure they have entitlement programs in their lonely future to ease the pain of their drug addiction like the good liberal that I am. See, it all comes full circle. I'm a good guy.

*I do not like the Daily Show's new set, but I have a feeling it is going to start to grow on me very quickly. I do like the interviews where the guests are at the desk now, Stewart seems more at ease and much sharper. The guests this week have all been of the political nature and frankly hope they stay that way. I tend to flip channels if its a Hollywood guest, because those tend to be yawners. Last night's guest was Bernie Goldberg who oddly enough I can't stand. He's not the typical "I'm not getting enough sex, mad at the world" right winger (see Ann Coulter who needs to be laid in the worst way) He's very serious in his approach instead, but still does the same thing Coulter does. He has a new book blaming the top 100 people (liberals) for corrupting America. He says they are poisoning the country with their tone, but basically the book is just 100 individual attacks on these people saying why he (Goldberg) hates them. Hmm, interesting.

EDITED NOTE: More on Bernie Goldberg's book which full title is "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America (And Al Franken is #37)” . Franken and Goldberg were guests on the same news show about two years ago where Franken made a fool out of Goldberg by picking out several glaring lies in Goldberg's old book "Bias". Franken talks about the episode in his last book which I just finished and apparently Goldberg is still bent out of a shape by it, so he decides to take a cheap shot at Franken in the title of his book. Again showing ole Bernie is nothing more than a pissed off righty looking to sell books without adding anything to a civilized national discussion. I added this not only to vent about this but to also give me a reason to repost this photo of me and Al Franken at SXSW this year. I'm a whore, I know. Deal with it.

*Why do I find the show Laguna Beach so god damn appealing? I caught the 2nd season preview special and I should hate this show in every way, but I can't look away. It's more than just a guilty pleasure, it's more than Real World, I think what it is, is damn fine television. Whoever is producing this series is brilliant. It's not the mindnumbing reality show formula, it's reality mixed with some good scripting. They pick the batch of good looking kids, put something in the air to produce that mating season aroma and watch what happens. But it's more than that, the locations, the way they film the show, the dialogue, the storylines, these are the works of the creators. It's the best damn non-reality show I've ever seen. That's what I think.

I was bit by a shark....

...in my insanely scary ass dream last night. I have been having the worst dreams for the past two months, and this is affecting my sleeping pattern. Back in college I started a string of weeks where I consistently had terrible nightmares over and over, every night. I don't know how to explain this phenomenon, but it is back and is pissing me off. I want to be having wild crazy sex dreams where I never want to wake up, but nooooooooo they have to be fucked up dreams like my house blowing up or family reunions where I'm never allowed to leave, EVER.

Last night I was having a very elaborate and realistic dream where I was water skiing at a nearby lake, which I used to do with my family back in the day. But this time, I was bit by a shark in the ankle and it hurt....bad. I woke up and my anke for real was hurting, however this is not all that weird because I took a wicked ground ball off the same ankle last week during a softball game which left it swollen and a nasty color. So my ankle was hurting while I was sleeping, so my mind decided to explain the pain to itself by creating a complex Jaws storyline, hey thanks brain, I hate you.

This is not the first time of these pain induced nightmares either. Right before I started college I was helping my dad tear down their old garage and a window broke above me and sliced the side of my leg to the bone, about 15 inches long. Pretty much the grossest looking thing ever, "so that's what the inside of my leg looks like, hello mr. tendons, hello mr. bone". After an extrutiating 6 hours in the hospital as they sewed my leg back together I went home. The first few days were fine, thanks to the codine, or something very strong like that. But, after that ran out, the pain and the nightmares started. Going from codine to Advil is like going from hitting on Jessica Biel to ending up going home with Hilary Swank.

So what is the lesson today boys and girls. Body pain apparently causes your mind to create effed up dreams to make sense to your brain. I mean when you are sleeping in your comfy bed, you shouldn't be suffering, if a part of you suddenly starts aching your brain is like WTF, so your creative mind kicks in and says don't worry brain, you're just being attacked by a shark, go back to sleep.

Better safe than sorry

To me this is still an acceptable popular lexiconic (I may or may not be making that word up) phrase of the english language, for I too would rather be safe than sorry. But, there are alot of phrases that are old and make no sense to me today whatsoever, but are still in use by politicians and old people. Therefore this is my list of popular sayings we need to retire:

* "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" - I kind of like this phrase but it's being used all wrong and for that it must go. I usually hear it from that blabbering idiot John Madden during a football game or as a cheasy one liner in some terrible 90s action movie. No, no, no. Stop it now.

* "If you can't beat em, join em" - This is a pathetic mindset and very corporate don't you think? Where's that competetive spirit? We all know if you can't beat em, kick em in the nuts and run and live to fight another day.

* "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" - Who the fuck would I ever say this dumbass phrase too? What decade were people draining their babies out of the ole tub? I hear this from politicians once in a while and I think it's plain dumb not to mention a little disturbing.

* "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" - Ok, this one is not old, but it is already annoying. I do hate the game, and I will hate you (the playa) as well thank you very much.

* "I'd rather be...(fill in the blank)" - Why do these people think I care about their lives so much. I'd rather be golfing, I'd rather be skiing...blah, blah, blah. What's worse is that this phrase also makes for popular bumper stickers. I HATE BUMPER STICKERS. I don't care where people would rather be, they're where they are and if I'm talking to them than I'm there too, and for damn sure would rather be somewhere else, but I don't tell them that. You know what, I'd rather be riding a long snake dolly, sipping on Jack Daniels, surrounded by real breasted strippers who are holding small televisions playing History Channel documentaries, but I keep that to myself buddy, and I suggest you do the same, ya jerkface.

* "Your ass is grass" - This is a popular tough guy term made famous in the 80s. I am baffled by it though. Does is mean you want to smoke my ass? Mow it? What? Oh I get it, you want to knock my ass onto the ground...where the grass is...how clever. Well I'll come back with a knuckle sandwhich or a wedgie or a swirlie or a wet willy.


(On a totally unrelated sidenote: Hilary Duff was on the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night, but it took me about 5 minutes to verify it was her. This delay was caused by her disgustingly thin body and something that can only be desribed as 'mean' had happened to her hair. WTF is up with these celebrity women? Who in Hollywood rounded up all the food and replaced it with laughingly awful hair dye?)

So it begins

I don't why I woke up this morning and decided to start a personal blog. I'm really just unpredictable like that, I guess. My life is usually either very boring or fucking rocks and it is nothing in between. So there's that. My friends have started blogs saying "well nobody will read it anyways", but then people do read it and my friends seem to be enjoying it, and I will be damned if I let that gravy train go by. (Sidenote: I effing love KFC gravy, not like in a normal way, but in a perverse I want to bath in it way.)

This weekend I hosted the 2005 Power Hour with preceding Draft and everything. This is how it works: First stretching, this is very important as you do not want to pull anything. Next, choose your beer of choice, lighter beers work better as puking possibilities are already on high alert (Code orange for you Homeland Security buffs). Next, shot glass selection draft, everyone takes turns choosing their team of 5 singles and a double shot. I got most of the ones I wanted including my Pacers and Jack Daniels shot glass. But AMG kept making good pics too, and I selfishly wanted all the good ones. Next you gather round the table and line up your glasses and fill them up. In all you take 7 shots in a round with the double shot last which accounts for two minutes which gives you enough time to refill. Next you toast, down your first shot and wait for the next minute where you take another and you continue for 60 minutes. This amounts to about 7 beers in an hour, which gets you to that good buzz drunk. We are way too old for this game, but it is fun, try at home this weekend if you like.



And to conclude today's post, my best bud T.W. leaves to head back to Iraq today. He is currently serving his 2ND tour over there right now and was back on his two week leave. We had good times when he was back and he has 5 1/2 months left so my thoughts and prayers will be with him until he returns home. Here's a pic of my other best bud Dave, T.W. in the middle and me, at Bdubs last December, the last time he was back: